There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
