I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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