one word: firstdatebathroomanal
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
