i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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