Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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