You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
