he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
