Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
