WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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