hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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