I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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