I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i think i just lost a toe
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
