I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
