It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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