my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
