sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
