I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
