yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
