The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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