her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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