There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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