You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
