i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
