Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im part way to drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
