I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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