My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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