i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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