i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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