you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
