Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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