lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
