It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
