Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
