I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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