i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's never too late to be topless.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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