i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
