I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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