'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
