i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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