please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
