Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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