Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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