I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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