I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize