Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
