If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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