You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
