last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
