defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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