My friends, they love my intelligence
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
