$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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