I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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