I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
