I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
