it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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