there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
