i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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