right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
