ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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