I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
