the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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