I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
