mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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