are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
