Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
