i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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