Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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