when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize