we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
