Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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