my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
