Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
