What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
