Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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