I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
