I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
